Drowning in the Day

Life seems to go in cycles. Sometimes I experience seasons of calm, and find balance easily. Everything seems to be in order and the world makes sense to me. It seems easy to release control in those seasons and give 2 cent advice to someone else about the “Lord being my Strength”. But then there are other times of life when, try as I might, my season is just plain old busy. In these times wave after wave of “have-to’s” come so quickly that I feel like I’m drowning in the days. 

INSTA-EVERYTHING

I am currently in the latter of the two, and I sometimes think to myself that if I could just fit an extra week between my Monday and Tuesday, maybe I could get caught up on the pile of to-do’s that just aren’t getting done.  What about you?

To top it off, our current world is one of Insta-Everything. Life gets so piled high with bombarding information that we were never created to handle. The pressure to manage all of the data can definitely make me feel “out of control”. In this age of information (or rather, disinformation?) there is a constant reminder to do more… Be more… Know more… Be in control of EVERYTHING! 

THE WHISPER

It is a twisted liar that tries hard to convince me that I can, in fact, manage and command the world around me. A voice of spiritual idolatry, telling me that with enough thought and planning I can choose within my own power to have dominion over all circumstances in my life. A little snake that comes between my morning tasks and afternoon tasks and whispers in my ear to “Go and take for yourself.” Maybe I can just “be like God” after all… I mean, isn’t this the age old lie since the garden?   

BEST LAID PLANS

And just like our first parents in the garden found out first hand, every time I take the bait of control, its counterpart, shame, is right there to tag-team my already tired heart. The more that I try to grab hold of the reins, the more the results are just the opposite. Instead of holding everything together, I find myself filled with anxiety, frustration, and the need to escape the little, boxed-in world that I’ve created. Watching the disappointment and confusion of my best laid plans balled up in a heap on the floor leaves me feeling exposed as a failure and ready to quit. It is always at this moment that I have a choice to make. Do I, like my spiritual forefather, make a covering for myself, choosing to clothe myself in self protection, self promotion and powerlessness, or do I turn around?

THE STILL SMALL VOICE 

And every time we turn, God is always faithful, isn’t He?  In this season of living moment to moment, taking on the next thing that was supposed to be done yesterday, God meets me right in the middle of the day with His grace and truth.

That still small voice reminds me to turn from self and come in humility before Him. And as always, coming before His throne I am reminded that He has a goal, not to control, but to connect; Not to expose, but to cover; Not to bury, but to plant. He isn’t sitting on His throne waiting to judge and dole out punishment, but rather I find Him waiting and excited to tell me His plan. His plan is long suffering and endures all the seasons of my life. His plan is good, to give me hope and a future. His plan is full of treasure to be discovered.

MOMENT BY MOMENT

Through His lens I can see my daily grind as the opportunities He has so beautifully placed before me: the daily tasks to love, to heal, to change generations. The chance to live in complete dependence, moment by moment, growing in faith that He will supply me with everything that I need for the tasks at hand. He is showing me how He alone really is my strength, my contentment, my joy. 

I am part of the covenant of God, the same as Noah and Abram, Moses and David; The same as my co-heir Jesus.

I am crafted to rule and reign, not by my strength, but by His. My days are special and set apart.

My life is an offering that ministers to His heart, and I am His representative.

He truly holds ALL things, including me, and there is nothing that I can do (or not do) to be disqualified from His love.

After all, that is who He is. 

Love and Blessings,

Jaime